Harper on the NDP

Stephen Harper, in a speech to the Council for National Policy, said that ‘the NDP is a kind of proof that the Devil lives and interferes in the lives of men.’ (Now, despite Mr. Harper’s obvious sexism, I will give him the benifit of the doubt that he also thinks that the devil interferes in the lives of women) Anyway, let’s look at what this statement really means. Mr. Harper believes that the New Democratic Party is a demonic organization, the policies of which are inspired by Beelzebub. Of course, the statement does not make it clear in what capacity or to what degree Lucifer has guided the workings of the NDP. After all, many levels of interference are possible. Mr. Harper might simply think that the devil is responsible for Jack Layton’s mustache, or might assume that the entire leadership of the Party are agents of Satan. Or perhaps he believes that Jack Layton is the himself the Prince of Darkness, spreading his message of evil through environmental policies and the guarantee of universal childcare. I guess it’s a stretch but I can see it. It’s like this; the federal Government makes childcare available to any family that wants it. This means that the financial burden on parents is greatly alleviated and suddenly a lot more women go out and pursue greater levels of education and career opportunities. Not only do these women quickly realize that their husbands are a bunch of beer-swilling bums who spend most of their time watching sports but they are faced with the fact that men get paid significantly more for the same work. These realizations leads women to band together in groups which, naturally, leads women en masse to choose to turn to lesbianism as a ‘life-style.’ In turn, the traditional family begins to disappear and the general morality of society breaks down, creating perfect conditions for the Prince of Darkness to swoop in and capture the souls of Canada’s unsuspecting population. Thus we can establish that there is a direct causal link between NDP policy and Satan’s reign on earth. If affordable childcare can have this devastating effect on society, imagine what could happen if we had guaranteed income for seniors, insured that anyone who needed medication could get it, demanded that corporations be more responsible for their actions, created more stringent environmental regulations, and finally ensured that the people of the First Nations had clean drinking water! Satan would have a field-day!