Saturday, March 9, 2013

ESP, Fuhrers, and a Naked John Baird. . . .

I can predict the future. I am no psychic, just of a practical turn of mind, politically speaking.

I predict that Justin Trudeau will be elected leader of the Liberal Party! Yes, I know, pretty bold of me eh? But wait, there's more. I also predict that after his elected leader the Conservative Party will launch a series of attacks on him.

Ok, ok, so I won't get any interesting odds on my prediction from a bookie. Everyone in the country who is not currently in a coma probably shares this prosaic prediction.

But here is where the predictions will get interesting, as well as the odds. The real question that is on everyone's minds is what happens next. What kind of attack with the Conservatives mount and how will people react. Presumably the Conservative attack dogs have something more up their sleeves than digging up a couple of old Trudeau quotes about Albertans running the country.

"But what could it be?" we all wonder. Will they attack Trudeau for who is father was? Probably a bad bet. Will they attack his good-looks, or suave demeanour? Inexperience?

Who knows. But we can be sure that they will find something to go after.

But then the question becomes how will people react. I thought that the Conservative attacks of Dion would backfire. And they did to a small degree. But Dion was an awkward, milquetoast of a guy and let's face it he was a rather easy target. The attacks on Ignatieff showed no backlash but then there was something slightly sinister and troubling about the Professor and the public never really took to him.

The game has changed since the last round of Conservative attacks. For one thing they have never had to go after a young, suave, good-looking, well-liked Liberal leader. They have not have to attack a leader while they in a majority position. And let's face it a minority gives a government the excellent excuse of a potential impending election to attack the opposition. But most importantly, the Conservatives have now become an embattled government, one that is now a story of corruption as much (if not considerably more) as the one they replaced. Personal attacks by the Conservatives on a young, well-liked, well-spoken guy like Trudeau whose policies seem at this point to be not, in fact, very different from the Conservatives themselves, could be a very dangerous prospect.

We can be sure that they will attack, they can't help it, it is in their DNA. And as it becomes evident that they are in some political struggle, they will only get more desperate and dangerous to themselves. Oh man, I wish I really was psychic but I guess I will have to just watch it unfold with the rest of the mortals. But if I HAD to make a prediction, I see a shirtless John Baird swinging from the chandeliers in the House, Flaherty mumbling to himself, while the fuhrer himself goose-steps up and down the aisle doing his best Charlie Chaplin imitation from "The Great Dictator."


Dana said...

OK, I'll play.

Justin will attack first. He himself will predict, out loud, with a microphone and in front of many cameras the nature of the attack ads the Harperites will launch.

He will be correct.

The ads will make the Harperites a laughingstock.

Harper will then become droolingly unhinged and begin launching a series of increasingly more manic and desperate ads aimed specifically at inflaming the more radically inclined assholes among his coterie into taking matters into their own violent, well armed, yet undocumented hands.

Laureen will leave him in the night with the kids and Harper will order the RCMP to bring her back. The RCMP will obey him and the resulting brouhaha will be caught on smart phone video by more than a dozen citizens who will immediately post said videos to Facebook, YouTube and Vimeo. Said citizens will subsequently disappear and their videos will disappear as a result of a government order due to national security. The families of the disappeared will appeal for any information. More citizen videos will appear of their abductions by persons subsequently shown to be members of the RCMP operating in plainclothes.

The media who report these events will be shut down. Citizens who report either the events or the media shutdowns will join the ranks of the disappeared.

John Ivison, John Ibbitson and Andrew Coyne will applaud government actions - each for different and well articulated reasons.

Laureen Harper will never be seen again. The kids will be seen often, dull eyed, unmoving, mute. Like so many Conservative backbenchers always are.

Justin Trudeau will be elected PM with a massive majority.

His first act will be to grant immunity from any future prosecution to Stephen Harper.

Sophie will immediately leave him.

Stephen Harper will be assassinated by Preston Manning who will immediately hang himself with an infected sausage casing from a meat plant in Brooks, Alberta.

There. This shit is fun.

kirbycairo said...

Nice Dana. Though I am not sure who you are making fun of, them or me.

Anonymous said...

From Raj's story on Justin Trudeau:

Just a few days before a Calgary by-election the Liberals were poised to win, the NDP leaked to Sun Media a French-language interview Trudeau gave in 2010 in which he suggested Canada had fared poorly because Albertans controlled the socio-democratic agenda.

Maybe the attacks will come from the NDP?

Dana said...

Not you Kirby. All the rest of them though. As much as I rather like JT he's still a pol and fair game for satire.

Ryan Spinney said...

I never realized the NDP leaked that. No wonder Mulcair doesn't seem worried about Trudeau winning.

Honestly Tory or New Democract Trudeau will go down, he's popular because he's a fantasy figure, but eventually he's going to be exposed as the corrupt flake he is.

I have a feeling that is the tip of the ice berg when it comes skeletons in Justin's closest which is also the reason the Tories are holding back, they want Trudeau to win and not because of his fathers mistakes.

Trudeau is more vulnerable to attack ads then Iggy or Dion because his resume is so thin and he's just riding in his celebrity and connections, he's not competant.

kirbycairo said...

You might be right, of course, Anonymous.