Monday, April 18, 2011

Harper Promises 5 Billion to fight Jackalopes. . . . . .

At a hustings stop in Alberta this morning, Prime Minister warned that if the Canadian people failed to give his government a majority, the ensuing instability in the nation would result in an dangerous influx of Jackalopes in Canada.

"The Socialists and Separatists, have no regard for the dangers of a Jackalope invasion," Haper told the cheering crowd. "During our time in government, there has been only a handful of Jackalope sightings in Canada. However, the instability that would come with another minority government would surely embolden the Jackalopes who have remained in hiding until now, ready to pounce upon Canadian farms and towns, thus ending our way of life." The speech was delivered with an unusual amount of passion for Steven Harper, who is not known for his expressive style. "A vote for the Liberals," Harper continued, "is a vote for a serious Jackalope invasion."

When asked by one reporter what plans his government had for dealing with the imminent influx of Jackalopes, he made a major policy announcement that included five billion dollars for new drone planes to  monitor areas of high Jackalope activity. When another reporter asked Harper to respond to claims by the opposition parties that Jackalopes don't in fact exist, the Prime Minister replied that "most Jackalope encounters go unreported and it is another example of the opposition ignoring a major problem faced by Canadians." Haper then went on to point out that the leader of the New Democratic Party was known to be Jackalope sympathizer.

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